I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
