i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
