life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize