He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
