I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
