I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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