Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
