I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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