are you still at the devil's house?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
