would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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