so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well I just put wine in my tea
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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