I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
