Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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