I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
