I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize