Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
