Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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