The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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