Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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