he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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