He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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