mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
