If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
