he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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