dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
if only i could text you this smell
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
