woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
