I will die if light touches me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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