On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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