I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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