I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
