FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
