I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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