Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
