What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
