Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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