I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
