I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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