I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She announced her abortion via fbk
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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