please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
