I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
