apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
