yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
