Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
