You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
