Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
