We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
