The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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