It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
