I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
