my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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