chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
This is my gift to your gina
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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