I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
