I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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