I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Text me some of your sweat
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