I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
