Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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