Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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