marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
