The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
