ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
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