im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
