You made me cry and you don't even care
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
