During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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