Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
