yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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