my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
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