I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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