u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
