well I can't set my house on fire every night
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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