ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
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I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
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i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios