Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(801): View more from Utah

I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high

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(801): I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high http://tfl.nu/0yq2

Replies (90) Good night (12260) Bad night (1205)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight

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(617): yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight http://tfl.nu/f9xl

Replies (29) Good night (718) Bad night (7631)
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(+44): View more from England

mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.

(+44): View more from England

"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"

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(+44): mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes. (+44): "and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'" http://tfl.nu/aeg7

Replies (32) Good night (4494) Bad night (1457)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"

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(608): so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!" http://tfl.nu/79w8

Replies (37) Good night (9936) Bad night (2246)
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(914): View more from New York

Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.

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(914): Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore. http://tfl.nu/9xwr

Replies (44) Good night (4101) Bad night (1294)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"

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(201): After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph" http://tfl.nu/ju46

Replies (31) Good night (2758) Bad night (1850)
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(208): View more from Idaho

He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.

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(208): He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife. http://tfl.nu/5zhr

Replies (8) Good night (662) Bad night (2279)
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(949): View more from California

am i gonna have visuals on this?

(414): View more from Wisconsin

you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire

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(949): am i gonna have visuals on this? (414): you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire http://tfl.nu/3sug

Replies (13) Good night (1747) Bad night (609)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.

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(250): Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket. http://tfl.nu/g0f2

Replies (3) Good night (458) Bad night (872)
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(319): View more from Iowa

I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.

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(319): I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you. http://tfl.nu/2phb

Replies (6) Good night (697) Bad night (363)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?

(1-908): View more from New Jersey

Both.

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(908): Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face? (1-908): Both. http://tfl.nu/3nxm

Replies (3) Good night (890) Bad night (309)
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(904): View more from Florida

Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!

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(904): Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday! http://tfl.nu/ki05

Replies (2) Good night (509) Bad night (300)
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(417): View more from Missouri

Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?

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(417): Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA? http://tfl.nu/qvak

Replies (2) Good night (482) Bad night (333)
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(488): View more from

I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover

(441): View more from Bermuda-Carib

Omg I can't even...

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(488): I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover (441): Omg I can't even... http://tfl.nu/8sa0

Replies (1) Good night (345) Bad night (623)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)

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(630): Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet) http://tfl.nu/zpz1

Replies (1) Good night (352) Bad night (647)

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