Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.