Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.

  (650): View more from California

  I tried to assassinate the ginger baby

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  (650): There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide. (650): I tried to assassinate the ginger baby http://tfl.nu/c72u
  Replies (28) Good night (2007) Bad night (1037)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that

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  (413): his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that http://tfl.nu/fcpw
  Replies (6) Good night (779) Bad night (2301)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.

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  (954): I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs. http://tfl.nu/kpvs
  Replies (37) Good night (1926) Bad night (3742)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I think college has really matured you.

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  (901): Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front. (662): I think college has really matured you. http://tfl.nu/th4l
  Replies (19) Good night (4615) Bad night (744)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."

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  (403): During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch." http://tfl.nu/35ko
  Replies (29) Good night (1241) Bad night (4582)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.

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  (303): I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever. http://tfl.nu/ptta
  Replies (17) Good night (4303) Bad night (3936)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.

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  (937): She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life. http://tfl.nu/md1r
  Replies (10) Good night (1732) Bad night (5336)
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  (283): View more from Ohio

  He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.

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  (283): He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought. http://tfl.nu/hl8d
  Replies (3) Good night (1887) Bad night (665)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room

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  (412): Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room http://tfl.nu/5tlt
  Replies (3) Good night (871) Bad night (553)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.

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  (479): I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk. http://tfl.nu/vgj4
  Replies (7) Good night (1259) Bad night (469)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.

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  (512): My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes. http://tfl.nu/b90a
  Replies (1) Good night (1216) Bad night (460)
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  (585): View more from New York

  He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants

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  (585): He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants http://tfl.nu/sshj
  Replies (7) Good night (742) Bad night (523)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.

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  (636): Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you. http://tfl.nu/ltvz
  Replies (1) Good night (666) Bad night (412)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.

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  (801): Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat. http://tfl.nu/lo8d
  Replies (1) Good night (276) Bad night (430)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt

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  (732): My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt http://tfl.nu/jktp
  Replies (2) Good night (180) Bad night (660)

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