Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"

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(214): View more from Texas

they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.

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(302): View more from Delaware

he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"

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(973): View more from New Jersey

You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(556): View more from

Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is

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(914): View more from New York

We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.

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(702): View more from Nevada

I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.

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(435): View more from Utah

The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.

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