His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here