careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
