I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think people are normalizing furries
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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