and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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