just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize