Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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